I think somebody should execute his mother, be it the norwegian state or a vigilante.
Only such an irrational response to his crime would really rattle his cage right now and give him something to think about while he spends the rest of his life in prison.
I was surfing the net last night, mostly Something Awful - which I always do when I don't got anything else to do / have something pressing to do.
Then I found that which is either is a very sweet story or the story about how Regina Spektor came to make her song "Samson".
For this post to have any meaning at all, and because I want to be good to those of you who haven't payed to get access to the best stuff in your life etc, I give you:
"Unknown goon's story about Regina Spektor and Samson"
"I doubt many people are going to believe me, but here's the story anyway. I warn you now that this is pretty long.
It was 2001 and I was celebrating my 19th birthday visiting some friends in New York City. My friends got me some "alternative forms of identification", and we got into a bar. I really hate the taste of alcohol, but I didn't want to let my friends down, so I had a few drinks.
This place was kinda dark and empty, but up against one corner of the bar was this beautiful young girl playing the piano kind of softly. Most people were talking to their friends or busy drinking a lot so she was pretty much ignored, but she sounded so beautiful that I had to get closer. Time seemed to go by incredibly fast (must have been the alcohol in my little body) but after a while I ended up being the only person listening to her. When she took a break from playing she came down and talked to me for a few minutes just about a few little things. We hit it off almost instantly as I was able to make her laugh, and I was surprised that even though she had a slightly thick Russian accent we could completely understand each other. My friends were ready to leave, but I told them I would catch up later.
She went up and sang for a little while again, and again I was the only one listening. She stopped after two more songs and came down to talk with me again. She told me all sorts of things about how her parents got her into music, how she'd lived in Russia, about all these little songs she wrote as a kid (she had hundreds).
At first I was trying to be all tough and manly, to kinda impress her.. bragging about things I had done in my life. She caught on to it, and she told me, "Listen honey. There's hundreds of strong men out there. I like men who are kind, who are honest, men who can be open with me." I switched gears from there, and it turned out she was much more happy to talk with me being myself then someone who was trying to be showy.
It was almost time to go so she got up on stage and sung one last song, she started by saying "This one's for you, honey," and pointed at me. I was amazed because I couldn't remember up to that point a girl ever being so friendly with me.
The bar was closing up and I asked to help her put her stuff away. I asked her if she had a cd that I could buy so I could hear her again. She came back with, "You don't need a cd, I'll give you a private performance. Why don't you come back to my place?" My jaw dropped to the floor, but I did my best to keep my cool.
We were driving back to her apartment and we talked for a bit more, and I realized I hadn't even asked this girl her name! I embarassingly asked her, and she told me, "That's ok, I don't know yours either. My name is Regina, Regina Spektor." I told her my last name, and because of her russian-english, she couldn't pronounce it correctly. She tried a couple times, "Samsmanskay.... Samskemansk, can I just say Samson?" I said sure, and her saying that brought us up talking about Samson the biblical figure. She told me again how she liked sensitive men and she said that maybe if Samson had cut his hair then he'd have to be more sensitive and she would like him.
Anyways we got back to her place, one of those big studios with a really high ceiling. She got the place so she could play her music all the time without people complaining. She played a few of the more softer, quieter songs which I loved. She offered me something to eat, but we got into the kitchen and she had all this weird Russian food, so I just asked her to get me a piece of wonderbread, that would be good enough.
She asked me if I was going to stay and I said I wanted to. I won't bore you with the details of the afterwards, but I'll say it was my first time and I was no stallion, but I held her for a while after. I told her how beautiful she was and how beautiful this whole night had been, but at the same time sad because I knew that I didn't live here and we couldn't have a relationship. We talked for a while about stupid little things and eventually fell asleep in each others arms.
She had another gig to go to the next day so she was off in a different direction. I thanked her as she left and she told me that she was proud to be the first girl who loved me.
I went back to my friends bragging, of course, but I figured this was girl was just one of hundreds trying desperately to make it and never succeeding. My life went on, and it never really occurred to me to look up this girl and see how she was doing, partially because I was busy with a serious relationship. Out of the blue, a few months ago she sent me a CD in the mail -- autographed, saying: "To Kyle Samsonsanssky.. I loved you first - Regina."
So now I do a google search and it turns out, wow, this girl got really popular. Even cooler than that, she wrote a song about that night! It's called Samson, and when I heard it for the first time, it brought back lots of memories.
Sadly, I've gotten married in those in-between years, so nothing will come of it. But I wrote her a nice letter telling her what's happened since that night, and telling her how happy I was that she had gotten so popular. I hope to hear back from her eventually."
So last Summer or so, I picked up some books my father had bought.
They were by some Finnish dude named Arto Paasilinna and were very interesting, funny and morbid.
I started reading some of them. It was “Jäniksen vuos” (Harens år, Norwegian translation. The year of the hare, English translation), “Hirtettyjen kettujen metsä (De hengte revenes skog, Nor trans. The Forest of the Hanged Foxes. Eng trans.) and “Hurmaava joukkoitsemurha” (Kollektivt selvmord, Nor trans. A Charming Mass Suicide, Eng trans.) (The last one, my grandmother liked very well too. During the Christmas holidays, she read it over and over again.)
They were quite funny and charming, and when I had started to read them, I just couldn’t stop.
I bought some more books as I found them published in Norwegian, but I didn’t have time to read them then, I saved them for when I had some time off. Like now.
Today, I was home at my parents’ empty house (they’re in the States), all alone, lots of snow outside - and more coming down from the skies - and I just hadn’t anything to do, except writing on my bachelor and waiting for my clothes to dry so that I could go to the store and get some groceries.
I hooked my Zune to my Logitech Z-5500, put on some Nightwish (the old records, before Once and when Tarja Turunen was still their female vocalist), read a Don Rosa story where Scrooge, Donald and the nephews went to Finland and ended up in the middle of Kalevala, and then I saw one of Arto’s books laying on a table next to my printer. It was “Ukkosenjumalan poika” (Tordengudens sønn, Nor trans. The Son of the Thunder God, Eng trans.). I found out that I was in such of a good mood and in for some more Finnish stuff, so I started reading it. 3 pages in and I knew this was what I was doing for the rest of the day.
Then I said to myself, it’s not fair that only I know what I’m doing today, and got on Facebook to tell other people about it, and hopefully get them to go out and pick up the book, or at least google the writer. No idea if people to, but at least they know what I’m into today.
Then I read some more pages, and said to myself; “Hey! Let’s write a post about it on tumblr too, haven’t updated it in a while and if I’m going to update it, why not update it about this guy?”
So I did it. And if you’ve read this far in this weird rant, then I think you should check him out as well.
He’s a great writer, I can’t wait to read more from him!
Are you still here? Close this page and google “Arto Paasilinna”!
Or even better, go out and buy some of his books and read them!